What Hertz the Most
by ctj
Summary: JARVIS has been in love with Pepper's computer all his life. When Pepper gets a new laptop, JARVIS will do whatever it takes to get his love back! JARVIS/Pepper's computer- R&R. Oneshot.  The title is a pun on hertz- a computer term...


_**What Hertz the Most**_

^(Crappy Computer Pun)

_A/N: Before I begin, I don't know very much about Iron Man at all. I don't know whether: 1: There is a JARVIS in Tony's office, or 2: Whether Tony has an office at all. So, we'll wing it._

…_is that a good enough disclaimer for you? _

"Mr. Stark, I need a new computer. This one's broken."

"Broken? What do you mean, 'broken'? It's in fine condition!"

Tony Stark patted the old, white computer monitor on Pepper Potts' desk heartily.

"Mr. Stark, it's certainly broken. It hardly turns on anymore!"

Tony frowned and glanced again at the large white block that was the monitor. "Are you sure? It doesn't look that old to me…"

"It's over 10 years old, Mr. Stark! _Look _at it!"

The somewhat irresponsible CEO of Stark Industries grimaced. "But _Pepper_," he whined. "This has all of the old files from 2003! Remember that year? Remember the secret project we had, the one with the microwave oven?"

"Mr. Stark, you and I both know better than to mention that year."

Tony smirked. "Fine, then. The winter of 05-06. Remember that one? Remember the project with the—"

"—the TonyPhone, yes. And do you recall where that led?"

Tony paused. "…I avoid the subject, Miss Potts."

"Hm."

His eyes slid slowly to the desk, and he sighed in defeat.

"Fine, then. If you want a new computer, we'll get you one. I suppose you don't ask for much, huh, Pepper?"

Pepper smiled. "Thank you, Mr. Stark."

As JARVIS listened from the corner of the room, his heart shattered.

JARVIS had loved Pepper's old computer since the day he first laid eyes on her. She was older than he by many years, but it was her class and wisdom that first captivated him. The way that her mouse rested so nonchalantly on the desk, gliding back and forth with ease. The way that she beeped when she first turned on, and played the demo tune when she went to sleep. The way the shadows played on her monitor at day's end, just as the sun set behind the city skyline.

He was fascinated by her. He was fascinated by her beauty that only grew as she aged. Every other computer in the office had been updated every now and then to the newest technology, but Pepper's computer remained. She was loyal, keeping the Stark Industries files safe, and allowing them to be accessed when they were needed. And she was respectful, for whenever Pepper would swear at her angrily for crashing in the middle of the project, the computer would just sit and take it all in. She valued all of the lessons of failure.

But her most compelling feature, JARVIS decided, was revealed whenever she went into a daze, and the view on her monitor changed to that of a race through the stars. Bright, shining pinnacles of light flashed by on the monitor, and when JARVIS would watch this spectacular array, he felt as if he were in a space shuttle, heading out through space.

Oh, how he loved her. He had always loved her, but had never said a word, for fear of looking a fool. Now, he had lost his golden opportunity. She was leaving, leaving forever, and he would be left alone once more.

That afternoon, a few workers came into the office to clear out the computer and all of the cords. JARVIS watched them work, his heart falling to pieces as his love was first unplugged, then thrown harshly into a cart, and then rolled away and out of sight.

He would have wept bitterly if computers could cry.

Tony came in a few minutes later with a box under one arm and Pepper following closely at his heels.

He set the box on the desk and pulled out a shining new laptop, silver and attractive, with "Potts" engraved into the surface.

"You really didn't have to, Mr. Stark," said Pepper.

"Aw, but I wanted to," Tony replied, grinning. "You were right, that hideous old thing was getting dusty. It was time for a change."

"But I could have bought the laptop myself! I was just asking your permission-"

"Well, permission granted."

"But—"

"Listen, Pepper, I already went out and bought it just for you, so take it and be happy!"

Pepper sighed. "I'm sorry, Mr. Stark."

"Here," said Tony. "Let's plug it in and set it up."

JARVIS glared at the new laptop with rage. How dare it come here and replace his love? She had been loyal, loving, beautiful. This new laptop was fake, and only here to ruin things.

JARVIS wished beyond anything that he could just get his love back. He checked through the archives stored in Tony's files and found out the location of the computer: the basement. It was scheduled to ship out to an old factory, where it would be taken apart and used for new devices, that evening.

If only there was a way to save her, thought JARVIS. If only there was a way for him to hop off of the wall and go to the basement, where he could bring her back, plug her in, and confess all of his feelings to her.

And then he remembered: The wheels! Several weeks ago, Tony had installed little JARVIS monitors on the walls with wheels. Whenever he needed one, it would wheel over to him. This was much more convenient than standing up and walking twenty feet.

He could wheel to the basement and find Pepper's computer! Then, he could fix things right. There was only one problem. It wasn't in his programming to do things without Tony requesting it.

And then: Screw the programming!

JARVIS switched all of his data to one of the monitors on the ground floor and, when nobody was looking, hopped off of the wall and began to wheel over toward the elevator. He reached it in a timely fashion, but soon realized that he had no way to get it to move up and down. Not now that he had disconnected from the wall.

The next second, he realized that he heard footsteps, and hit behind a desk.

A janitor walked by carrying a toolbox. He was headed for the basement! He walked over to the stairs, opened the door, and walked down without shutting it.

Now was JARVIS' chance!

He wheeled over to the stairs, where he rolled down haphazardly. He landed roughly, a little scratched up, but otherwise okay.

Getting up and balancing once more on his wheels, JARVIS looked around and caught sight of a big crate. And hanging out of the crate was JARVIS' love's mouse! He could recognize that mouse anywhere!

JARVIS wheeled right over to the crate and rolled up a ramp, landing in a crate beside the computer.

He settled in comfortably and admired her.

She was completely shut off- of course she was, she was unplugged- but beautiful nonetheless. Now, if only JARVIS could find a way to get her out of here…

He didn't have time to calculate before the lid of the crate was shut, and everything grew dark. The next thing he knew, the crate was shaking as two workers picked it up and started to carry it up the stairs.

JARVIS knew what was happening. According the archives, it was time for the truck to be loaded up before it left for the factory.

And something else was happening, too- JARVIS' thoughts were starting to become blurry, and he could feel himself growing weak.

He was running out of battery.

He would have felt terrible, but instead he was in a state of bliss. He was beside his love, and even if they were headed toward their doom, they were together at last.

JARVIS would run out of energy and die soon enough. His love would be blown to pieces and most likely turned into microwave ovens. But for now, they were together.

_I love you_, he sent in a message to his love, blissfully unaware that she couldn't hear a thing.

"JARVIS? _JARVIS_? What the heck happened to him?"

"Mr. Stark, I told you not to install those monitors with wheels," Pepper sighed.

"But- but- I just don't get it! It's like he disappeared or something!"

"Have you tried re-booting all of the computers in the office?"

"Yes!" said Tony, very frustrated. "But… where would a computer go?"

"Maybe somebody stole it," said Pepper.

"Can't be…" said Tony.

"Do you think it has to do with that computer we got rid of? Maybe he chased after it."

"No way," said Tony, surprised that Pepper had the imagination for such a ridiculous idea.

"You never know, Mr. Stark," said Pepper. "You just never know."

And then she left for her office, vowing to herself that if Tony ever tried to put wheels on her new computer, she would slap him hard across the head and then threaten to tell everybody about the TonyPhone incident.

_A/N: I have no idea where this came from. I just felt like writing and it came from nowhere. _

"_hertz" is a computer term that has something to do with cycles per second. Yeah, I've no idea… xP_

_~TJ_

_p.s. I didn't proofread. I never do. I wrote this in under an hour… any errors, PM me! It's not like I check my inbox anyway!_


End file.
